Fear for a stranger

Today I watched a man fall.
I wasn't sure he was going to be alright.
I keep seeing his body, chainsaw, ladder and branch all crashing to the ground together.
I ran.
I didn't feel any pain in my leg.
I was so scared.
His face was so pale.
He didn't want me to call an ambulance.
He wasn't getting up.
I still think I should have.
Seriously what was he thinking?
A flimsy ladder on the branch he was cutting.
He got up.
He looked bad.
I gave him some ice.
I wanted to do more.
They wouldn't let me.
The fence was dented.
I saw him again tonight.
I saw his cut leg.
It was deep.
It looked bad.
I was relieved to see him walking.
He was pretty banged up.
He was sore.
Very sore.
I wanted to yell at him.
I wanted to hug him.
I don't even know him.
I had so much fear for him.
Seriously what was he thinking?
Next time I hope he thinks twice.
He has to come back.
Maybe I'll hug him, then yell at him.
Put on my "mommy shoes."
Tell him a thing or two.
Then hug him again.
Nightmares for me tonight.
Fear for a stranger.

Today came

I've been looking forward to today for 6 weeks.
Yet I've also been dreading today for 6 weeks.
I wanted today to come fast.
And slow.
I wanted today to start.
And to end.
Today I had an appointment.
I was excited for it.
And scared.
I giggle when I'm nervous.
I giggled alot this morning.
I also cried.
Silent scared tears.
It was strange to hear.
Yet not feel.
I lost a part of me.
And I gained freedom.

It looked alienish.
That was in me.
So thankful to have it gone.

1 week later I got the results it was a benign cyst. Now I have a 2" scar on my left thigh as a reminder of what I went through.

Ramblings

I love writing on our blog.
But I stopped.
I wasn't planning on sharing Simeon's leukemia journey on Facebook everyday in September.
But I am.
It's almost the end of September.
Fall is here.
Fall seemed so far away.
Now it's here.
I'll get back to it.
I need to.
I miss reading other blogs.
I'll get back to that.
I'm not sure if I'll add the leukemia posts here.
Maybe.
Maybe not.
Someone not on Facebook may benefit from them.
Maybe I will.
I'm finally not so lonely when the kids all leave for school.
It took a few weeks.
But it happened.
I was told it would.
They were right.
Maybe this will help prepare me for next year when the kids are all gone all day.
I haven't been on my own in over 12 years.
It's been an adjustment.
It's getting easier.
This morning I feel sluggish.
I feel down.
More then I have in a while.
I love fall.
It's winter that's hard for me.
I didn't sleep good last night.
Husband snored.
Too many thoughts.
Thinking about friendships.
Thinking about the past.
Trying to get past hurt feelings.
Trying to understand where I fit.
If I fit.
Sometimes I'm not sure.
I'm sure I do.
Maybe we all don't fit some.
So we push others.
It hurts to get pushed.
I'm tired of getting pushed.
It'd be nice if we all fit together better.
Ramblings.
That's all this is.
Ramblings on a quiet, feeling kind of down morning.